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A couple were out on their afternoon walk: "I think it's raining", the man said to his wife. "No, that felt more like snow to me", she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said". Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing". As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?". "It's raining, of course", he replied, and walked on. But the woman insisted, "I know that it felt like snow!" The man quietly replied, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear"!

A monastery priest was beginning his Chant 101 class. He greeted his new initiates by chanting "Good morn - ing." The class repeated, "Good morning", except the priest thought he heard someone singing "Good evening".

Just to be sure, he sang, "Good morn - ing". Sure enough, from somewhere amidst all the "Good morning" responses, he heard the word "evening" being chanted.

Frustrated, he sang back to the class....."Someone chanted evening."

When Snow White received a camera as a gift, she was so excited she decided to take pictures right away. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs-Grumpy, Sleepy, Dopey...all of the dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she to the 24 hour Quick Clic to be developed. The next day she went back to pick up her pictures, but the clerk said the photos were not back from the processor. Needless to say, she was disappointed.

She went back the next day, but still no pictures. So she went back the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th day....but much to her disappointment, the pictures weren’t there. Finally, she started to cry.

Trying to console her, the clerk said,

"Don't worry, Snow White. Someday your prints will come".

June the harpist and Sam the trombonist went out to a discotheque. Sam's car wouldn't lock, but Sam knew the owner so they locked their instruments in his office. Having had too much to drink, they went back to the rehearsal without their instruments. June explained to the irritated conductor that 'I left my harp in Sam's friends disco.'

Two guys are standing on the curb when a taxi pulls up. One is holding a pair of drumsticks, and the other is carrying a guitar. Who is the professional musician?

The taxi driver.

There are three kinds of musicians: Ones who can count, and ones who can't

Why is walking down the street like music?

Because if you don't C# you'll Bb

What did they find when they dug up Beethoven's grave?

He was decomposing.

Two dogs and a cat tried to get into the local opera house. "I'm sorry," said the doorman, "animals aren't allowed in." "But we're very musical animals," said one of the dogs. "I Bach, he Offenbach, and she is Debussy."

Why do musicians have to be awake by six o'clock?

Because most shops close by six-thirty.

What happens when you play a country record backwards?

  1. You get out of prison.
  2. Your wife comes back to you.
  3. Your pickup truck is returned.
  4. Your dog comes back to life.

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, and then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard’s caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. “Oh, it’s nothing to worry about,” says the caretaker. “He’s just decomposing!”

What's the difference between a musician and a pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of four.

What did Mozart recently say to a noisy visitor?

"Shhh! I'm decomposing

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the warden had given the formal speech, and a final prayer had been said among the participants. The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, “Son, do you have a last request?” To which the man replied, “Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?” “Certainly,” replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked, “Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?” “Please,” said the condemned man, “kill me first.”

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